May 31, 2013

#BedtimeStory with a Princess

Once upon a time...

A lovely princess with long golden hair arrived in Twitterville. She didn't ride a magnificent white horse with a flaxen mane, nor was she seated in a carriage accompanied by a dozen uniformed palace guards.

Princess Mya arrived on foot.

Earlier in the day she had been in the garden with her cat, @ItsMeDeaner -- Deanie for short -- when a terrible storm suddenly erupted. With thunder booming and lightening flashing, and rain pouring down in torrents, Deanie disappeared under the hedge. Frantic to find her favorite cat, Princess Mya went after him.

But she couldn't find him anywhere! She looked behind trees. She looked under rocks. She looked inside a shoe lying on the side of the road. "Why is it always just one shoe?" she wondered out loud.

But she couldn't find Deanie anywhere. Determined not to go home without him, Princess Mya walked and walked and walked until she found herself in the middle of Tweet Square.

"Hello," she said to @TheWonderCats, who were huddled under an umbrella with Simon clutching a pizza box in his paws. "That smells really good."

"Best pizza with anchovies in Twitterville," said Samson.

"I'm so hungry," said Mya. "Would you give me a slice to eat?"

The Wonders put their paws protectively on their pizza.   "Why would we share a slice with a stranger?" asked Solomon.

After Ex-Mayor Twitmo closed the restaurants and made everyone starvy (until @Chef_Gidget saved the day with her Extra Orangey Bouncy Ball Soup) Anipal's had become stingy about sharing their food noms.

"I'm not a stranger. I'm Princess Mya!"

@TheWonderCats stared at her from head to toe. Then they laughed and laughed, and were still laughing as they walked away with their precious pizza.

"Well!" said Princess Mya. "That was rude."

Then she smelled tuna fish. With her stomach growly, she followed her nose to where @CasperTheKat sat at an umbrella table outside #AthenasDiner eating a tuna on rye with mayo, pickles and bits of tomato.

"That smells so good," she told him. "May I have a bite?"

With mayo on his nose, and bits of tuna flecked on his whiskers, Casper stared at her. "Why would I give a stranger a bite?"

"I am not a stranger! I am Princess Mya! Why does no one recognize that I am a princess?"

Casper reached deep into his pocket and pulled out a mirror so Mya could see her hair was drenched and so was her pretty pink princess dress. In fact, she could feel water dripping down her back into her socks and shoes. She looked very un-princess-like even to her own reflection.

"But I am a princess," she said, with teary eyes.

Casper finished the last bite and licked his paws. "That's what they all say."

And so it went for poor Princess Mya, turned away time and again, not only for bites of tuna on rye, or pizza with anchovies, but also for a place to sleep that was dry and warm.

"This is so unfair!" Mya said to no one in particular. "I am so a princess. Why won't anyone believe me?"

"Do you have proof?" asked @RoniTheBrat, who had just finished a meatball sub with banana peppers and a diet Dr. Pepper.

"What kind of proof?" Mya wondered. "I'm too young to drive a car, so I don't have a driver's license. Plus, I would never drive myself anywhere anyway because I'm a princess and I have palace minions drive me everywhere I want to go."

"She sounds like a princess," said @GibsonTheKitty.

Roni burped indelicately. "She sounds like most wimmen."

After swatting Roni with her paw, Gibson said to Mya, "Come with me, missy. I know of a way to prove whether or not you are a princess."

@GibsonTheKitty lead the way to her home, with Roni, Casper and the Wonders following. "I don't think I should have to prove that I'm a princess," said Mya, "but if you will feed me, I will answer royal questions to prove I am indeed a princess."

Gibson pulled a fresh batch of Pronto Pups out of her cupboard and set the table with mustard, pickles and a bag of Cheetos, along with a pitcher of milk. "Answering royal questions won't be necessary," she said mysteriously. "Now eat your Pups. I will be right back to show you to your room."

Gibson pocketed a pouch of Temptations, then left Roni, Capser and The Wonders staring at Princess Mya eating her Pronto Pup, smeared with mustard, along with a handful of Cheetos on her plate.

"I lost my cat, Deanie," she said to them to break the silence. "I don't suppose you've seen him?"

"Siamese-Tabby?" asked Casper.

"With crossy-blue eyes?" asked Roni.

"And a mustache?" asked The Wonders.

"Yes! Yes!" said Mya happily. "Have you seen him?"

The cats shook their heads. "Nope."

"Okay, missy," said @GibsonTheKitty from the door. "I have your bed ready. Follow me."

Mya, Roni, Casper, Simon, Samson and Solomon all followed Gibson to a back room where there was a bed piled high to the ceiling with at least twenty Tempurr-Pedic mattresses.

"Up you go," said Gibson, and gave Mya a paw-up to the very top. "I will come for you in the morning. Sweet dreams, missy. "

In the morning Gibson asked Mya how she had slept. 

"Very badly!" said Mya. "I couldn't sleep. I was lying on something so hard, that I am black and blue all over my body."

When she showed Gibson her bruises, Gibson said to Roni, Casper and The Wonders, "She's a true princess."

"How can you tell?" asked Casper.

Gibson reached under the first mattress and pulled out a single Temptation treat. "Princess Mya felt the treat through twenty Tempurr-Pedic mattresses. Nobody but a real princess could be as sensitive as that."

Realizing they had been rude to a royal princess, @RoniTheBrat, @CasperTheKat and @TheWonderCats all bowed low with humble apology, which Princess Mya accepted because she was a sweet girl with lovely golden hair.

She never did find her cat, Deanie.

 Thank you for reading tonight's #BedtimeStory. If you would like to read my mewsletter, please sign up at the top of the right column.

I also thank you for coming to Belle's and my MysteryAdventure pawty with the hashtag #BelleHerm. We trended #1! I'm so proud!

Thank you Cori Stanley and @Rockstarwalrus for prize donations. You are wonderpurr friends. The prizes were awarded to @TweetingTruman for putting Valium in the baby bottle to make Giant Joann go to sleep. To @PillsterCat for offering a plunger to silence Giant Joann's cries. And to @GibsonVanKitty for staying behind to "guard" the pawty food from raccoons.

Thank you everyone for coming to #BelleHerm pawty and also for reading #BedtimeStory. And for following me.

Goodnight, Sweet Dreams, and haz a Happily Ever After evening!


  1. What a wonderful story Herman!xx Speedy

  2. Hi Speedy! Thanks for reading #BedtimStory.

  3. We really loves your version of dis bedtime story we don't wike thunder boomin and lightening either but we had our paws together praying dat Princess Mya would find her kitty but dee last line says her didn't! Dat's also dee kinds of treats we instruck our hoomom to gets fur us!

  4. She...she...she didn't find her kitty?!? But that's SO. SAD!


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