MEET HERMAN aka TATTLECAT

While waiting for more intermews to come in, Mom and I decided to intermew each other.

How old were you when you moved in with your family? Were you a rescue?

Not a rescue, I was a runaway. I loves to run, and so at 8 months old, I runned out of my house and kept running through the woods until I was good n lost. A very long time later...years probably!...I stumbled up a steep hill and saw a house that smelled like kittehs. And there was a little food on the front porch. So I ate it. It had spit on it, but at that time I wasn't pawticular cuz I was starvy. 

Anyway! I hung around, and this black and white kitteh tried to run me off cuz that was his job: to run off stray cats, as appointed by his boss, Moose, a tabby wif six toes. It was wintertime and very cold. My fur had gotten sticky and snarled and turned hard like a turtle shell. During a blizzard my future meowmy spotted me, called to me, and when I came, she took me inside the warm house n fed me. She also put me in a big cage in the kitchen cuz she didn't know if I...ya know...had an STD or sumthin. Then my future daddy came inside the house. I recognized him. He was wif that black and white kitteh who tried to run me off, and he threw a snowball at me, unknown to my future meowmy cuz if she had known, there would have been heck ta pay! She said to him, 'Meet James' and future daddy sez, 'He looks like a Herman.' So I became Herman James. I had to go to the vet where I wuz shaved nekked. But my new mom brought me home in a sweater and I've been happy wif her ever since.

What breed are you?

I'm a mix. Turkish Van and Turkish Angora. The best of both breeds, of course. My hair is soft like an angora rabbit, but its not fur—its hair. Its baby fine, and there is a lot of it, and it smears on furniture and on clothes. And it gets in my Mom's eyelashes, so I get a shave twice a summer.

Do you have siblings? Do you get along?

That black and white kitteh I mentioned was Cookie. We get along pretty good now. But here's the thing. I want to be an only kitteh, and Mom, the bleeding heart she is, adopts every long face that comes crying at our back door. So, I have a brofur named Buddy who is 21, a tabby wif diabetes. He sleeps with my pawrents (envy ears). Next is Cookie, at 14, a tuxedo. Then ME! Then...sigh...(counts on fingers) Barney, a gray tabby who got taken in before we left Kentucky. He's 8. Then there is Opie, an orange tabby, age 4, who Mom rescued from becoming fox poo. She saw him, an itty bitty kitty, eating wif the raccoons and possums, and then one day she saw him trotting over to a mama fox and her kit, and thats when she set the trap. Caught him. And my life has been HELL ever since.

Where was I? Oh! Next is Peaches, who is also 4, a single mother who gave birth under neighbors deck. She's very smart. A tortoishell/tabby. Mom to Jack and Jesse, and gramma to Gidget. Jesse and YumYum live outside, but Jack, a tabby, got a double ear infection which left him permanently off-balanced, so...surprise! He's now inside kitteh. And Gidget was pulled inside because she's 2-1/2 but only 4#. She got preggie in her first year of life and we think it stunted her growth. Outside is Chauncie, a tabby girl. She's 5. She was feral but then Mom got her hands on her and now she's rolling on her back, showing her tummy, loves to be brushed and smooched on. Jesse outside—he's a panfur and his lady friend Yum Yum is a used-to-be-feral Siamese who is now only feral for strangers but lets Mom pet and hug on her.

We also have two unneutered males, Charlie and Andy. I don't really want to talk about them.

How would you describe your pawsonality?

Adorapurr. Wonderpurr. Da boss! Feisty. Sweet. Not much of a cuddle kitteh, but I will sit next to you and squeeze my eyes and look at you so you think I'm adoring you when really I'm hoping you'll move so I can have your warm spot.

Do you have a mischief incident that is still talked about with your family?

Like I said, I'm a runner. When we lived in Kentucky I ran out the door and bolted into the woods numerous times. I always made sure to wait until Mom had on her pink bunny slippers.  Then, we moved to Elvis's back yard...and I shot out the door and ran and ran wif Mom yelling HERMAN!!! running behind me in--yes!--her pink bunny slippers. That happened three times, then suddenly a fence popped up and there went my running days.

Another incident was when I was younger. Maybe a year and a half...same year I moved in wif my new family. I was running around the house, and Mom was in kitchen...and she was baking something...and caught me just as I launched to jump inside hot oven. Caught me mid-leap! It was pawsome!

I'm still feisty. I have no problem ripping ground to smack a raccoon in da face! Mom of course freaks out cuz she's a girl. But it's MY YARD! Nobody comes into it without my purrmission. They come looking for Mom to feed them. She feeds evfurrybody. (sigh)

Tell me about an Awww moment.

If you ask Momma Deanie, (@ItsMeDeaner 's mom) she'd say all of my pictures are Awww moments. And she'd be right. My meowmy sez Awww when I'm sleeping on her chest while we are in the car going on vacation. I go on vacation wif my Mom all the time! Well...maybe just twice. But, I plan to do so again real soon. And I hear Awwws when I'm sunbathing. Or I'm looking up at her wif my sweet lil face and huge hungry eyes, hoping she will drop her dinner plate in front of me.

Do you have any health issues?

I get fire pee when I am stressed or eat too much fish. That's UTI's. That makes me pee funny. I will put my head down and raise my bottom, and pretty much decorate the wall. Pee Art! Andy Warhol probably kicked himself for not thinking of it first. A regular litter box won't work for me. So Mom got me a storage box and its deep enough that I won't squirt outside it...unless I perch on the edge of the box...in which case anything goes!

We now have a kid pool in cat apartment for litter box. I don't pee outside that...too often. I also haz arthritis in my back hips. I can't jump on sofa anymore without a couple cute lil hippy hops to get up. But again...I'm adorapurr when I hippy hop.

Do you like to be brushed, have your nails trimmed?

I'm purrty good about getting nails trimmed. I sit on Mom's lap like a furry baby doll and she's quick about it. But I no like being brushed. With my hurting hips I'm not happy about being touched back there. I get shaved twice in summer. The first time this year I kinda gave the groomer a piece of my mind cuz she wasn't gentle with my hurting hips, so then Mom did the second shave. She has a Masters in Grooming but her blades are dulled by the big dog next door and she is too lazy to find some place to sharpen them. I'm just saying...

What is your relationship like with your veterinarian?

Dr. Brandy Ellis is WONDERPURR! And so is Chelsea, her assistant. Chelsea admitted she's a dog purrson, but said she loves me cuz I am just like a dog. I'm real smart, and I pay attention, and I look at you wif intelligent eyes so you know I'm getting what you're saying.

Herman and Chelsea

Do you like certain hoomans outside of your family?

Oh yes! I love Amber, my petsitter for past 6 years. She started sitting us at 11, and now is 17. And I met Aunt Jewels just one time but I love her! And I also love Robin, Aunt Jewel's daughter, cuz she gave me attention. That's impawtent to me. Attention. Lots of it!

What are your favorite foods and toys?

I'm a good eater. I like chicken. I love raw Angus beef. The only fussy thing about me is that I demand to be fed on a clean plate—purrfurrably china—and not on the floor or after someone else has eaten from bowl. I eat slower than all the other kittehs so sometimes Barney will take my food. Mom will either run him off or move me so the others can't get my food. Also, I can't haz milk. I'm lactose intolerable. I frow up horrifically. As for toys, I don't have a favorite, although gimme a good ball any day and I will smack da heck outta it.

What is your birth date, or Gotcha Day date?

January 18, 2000. I will be 12.

Complete this sentence: If I had opposable thumbs, I would...

If I had opposable thumbs, I would open the back door while my pawrents were sleeping so all my indoor fur-sibs would run away. Then I would be da only kitteh in the house. I would also be in trouble, but it would be worth it.

Who are 3 celebpawties you'd like to have bacon beers wif at #Nipclub?

Well, I haz an open invitation to haz a tunatini with Watson @WilWheatons_Cat but I'd have to make it a bacon beer, of course.

I would enjoy hanging out wif Sarah Ferguson parody @Duchess_0F_York. She's funny n sweet, and loves animals. She was very upset about Lennox. We now pals.

The Barbi Twins! Yay!

What are you known for on Twitter?

My floofy tail. My fire pee! I change my avi photo just about every day. I'm engaged to Belle @Frankencat1. Our wedding date is June 22, 2013. I love to make avi's for furends and also angel avi's for Anipal's who have gone OTRB. I'm proud member of #WLF, #BBOTs and I am vice pawsident of HandsomeBoysClub. I am also pawsident of #BrianBunnySuperFluffCrimeFighters.

One final question. If you could only pick one nemesis to send to another home, who would you choose? Opie or Barney?

OPIE

BARNEY

Just one? That's a hard decision. *wrings tail with nervous paws* What if I choose the wrong one? I hate them both equally! Opie jumps on my back and holds me while I scream. Barney is always running me away from my food. They both say Mom likes them better than me.

You have 5 seconds.

What? This is a timed answer? No fair!

3 seconds.

NO! Wait. Okay...I choose Opie...NO! Barney! Wait...

1 second.

Barney! Opie! No, wait! I choose--

Times up.

ACK!

Now me, Herman, will intermew my mom, Kimberley Koz

Tell me about yourself, outside of your passion for animals, such as your family, hobbies and interests.

My husband Ray and I have been married over 30 years. I was a child bride. Seriously. I was nine.

We both grew up in Michigan’s Motor City suburbs. I was a “lake girl” from St Clair Shores and Ray was from Warren and *whispers* Cousino High. They were big druggies at Cousino, or so I heard. 

We met at the Sandpiper Supper Club, where I pretended to know what I was doing, waiting tables, and he had all the fun cooking in the kitchen. Mostly sandwiches. They made the best sandwiches. And cottage fries! I can still smell the grease, but they were awesome! Anyway, I had to ask him out first because (I should have seen this as a trending pattern in his life) but Ray was busy thinking about asking me out, but hesitate to pull the trigger, so to speak. I on the other hand, am ADD and patience is not in my nature. We got smashed on our first “date” which was actually driving up and down Metropolitan Parkway drinking a beer. Yep. One beer. My blood is like spring water, so all it takes is one beer or one glass of wine.

It took me four years to get him to propose and marry me, but I finally did it. Except I had food poisoning on my wedding day. The guests tsked, thinking I was nervous. Nervous! It took me four years to get him to say I Do!

Okay. So, we left Michigan 3 years after marrying, and moved to Jacksonville, Florida where we opened a restaurant (ice cream and sandwiches). We later opened two more. Yes, we were insane. 90+ hours a week leaves no time to breathe let alone enjoy life. We had a beach 20 minutes from our house and Mickey Mouse 2 hours, but we couldn’t enjoy because we were chained to the restaurant. We gave it up finally, and moved on to other things.

I am a feline beck and call girl. Strays show up at my door and I get them “fixed” and fed. I cannot count how many cats and a few dogs that I’ve given shelter to. One dog puppied all over my garage within 2 days of taking her in from my workplace parking lot.

I love photography -- the iPhone takes awesome photos. I also love to cook, probably a bleedover from my past life as the cook in my restaurants. I used to do cake decorating for my restaurants too, but now I’m into cupcakes to give as thank you gifts.

What type of work do you do?

I am a writer. I write all the time. Grocery lists, pet sitting instructions (she ignores them but I still write them) and I also write novels. I am published! (Yay!) Southern Exposure is my first novel, written as Kimberley Dehn in honor of my mom who passed away at age 42.

click for website

 I just finished another book and am shopping around for an agent. Until then, not holding my breath, I'm on to write something else...maybe clean up my office since it looks like a paper bomb went off.

Are you an outdoor person, or an indoor person, and why?

I love being outdoors in Michigan and in eastern Tennessee in the mountains, and in Washington State. I love being indoors in the Mid-South where I live now because its hot and humid and they grow nasty noseeum type of bugs that will bite you and make you miserable. Plus the humidity works my naturally curly hair into a frizzy mess.

What is your favorite book, favorite author?

It’s hard to choose an all time favorite…Honest Illusions by Nora Roberts is a book I’ve read umpteen times and continue to enjoy. I now read mostly cozy mysteries. I enjoy Diane Mott Davidson, Sophie Kelly, Madelyn Alt, Charlaine Harris and Janet Evanovich.

What TV shows do you enjoy?

I used to watch a lot of TV--Northern Exposure continues to be my all time favorite show ever--along with Everybody Loves Raymond (I so identified with Ray's wife, Debra) and Buffy the Vampire Slayer--but since Herman got active with Twitter, I hardly watch TV anymore. I do like Dancing with the Stars. I see a lot of American Pickers and Pawn Stars because Ray watches them (endlessly!) along with Family Guy (which is actually junk food for the mind.)

What type of music do you enjoy? What is your favorite song?

I love Smooth Jazz. Craig Chaquico (former lead guitarist for Jefferson Starship) is my all time favorite. Mystify by INXS high on favorite list.

Do you travel? What is the most memorable vacation you’ve ever taken?

Yes, we travel a lot. Most memorable was the whole Kozlowski family on a Caribbean cruise. We all scattered throughout the day, but made sure we dined together. I'm thinking our waitress still cringes thinking about our table. Ray and his brothers are like the Marx Brothers...you just never know what is going to come out of their mouths. We got to swim with stingrays, which was the most awesome part of the whole trip!

Ron, Gary, Judy, Kim, Ray, Carolyn, Jessica, Andrea & Jim

Another memorable vacation was again--whole Kozlowski family--at Disney World. We all wore bright yellow tee shirts to make real sure we stood out in the crowd...like we weren't already. Again...Marx Brothers. Somehow we jumped the ropes and ended up walking the parade route.

Still another memorable vacation was discovering Washington State. I checked seeing Roslyn off my Bucket List (where they filmed Northern Exposure.) I think I lived in that state in a past life. It reminds me of home -- Michigan! Another vacation was last October when we were driving up to Michigan where we intended to head Up North to the Mackinac Island area, but it was raining hard and would continue to rain hard there all week. We reached Nashville, TN at 2 am and abruptly (I mean, like in a 5 second decision) I changed my mind, woke Ray up and said, Let’s not! Instead we veered off the path to Michigan and headed over to Gatlinburg, TN. We had my 21 year old cat Buddy with us (he gets insulin shots and travels everywhere with us) and so Bud got to check Gatlinburg off his Bucket List. He really enjoyed his stay in the cabin.

Kozlowski cruise

Tell me about your town and what makes it special to you.

I’m sorry, but not a dang thing is special about the Memphis area. Except for some very very good friends I’ve made, living here is like being sentenced for a crime you did not commit. Its hot, buggy, and boring…in that order. Plus with the Mississippi River running along side us, I’m thinking that contributes to the poor air quality. We all have asthma now, even my cats. My husband however is happy with his job, so we make the most of it.

Have you ever traveled with your pet? If so, please give me an adventure story.

Buddy needs his insulin twice daily so he is always with me. Herman has traveled up to Michigan twice now and is so wonderpurr, he’s always welcome to come with me. And now with Cookie needing allergy shots every 3 days, he’s coming too. It’s a kitty caravan! It’s also an adventure when traveling with both Ray and the cats. We always growl at each other when it comes to sneaking the cats into the hotel room, if we don’t drive straight to destination (and stay with relatives). Pets aren’t always welcomed, so we need to sneak them into the room. Set up litter box. Set up pet ramp for Buddy. Make sure the Do Not Disturb sign is on the door. Traveling with cats is like traveling with babies. I used to make snide remarks about new parents dragging the whole house along with them to the restaurant. Now I get it. We use our van because most of the stuff we take is for the cats. Buddy! Litter box, litter, food dishes, insulin and needles, blankets, bed…ramp so he can get off bed. Food, canned and dry, and bottled water.

Buddy & Ray in Gatlinburg cabin

Tell me about your first pet, and how many have you had in your lifetime?

My parents had a Doberman named Lisa before I was born. Technically she was my first pet. She tried to attack my mom while she held me, so Lisa went off to obedience school. I don’t recall much about her except none of the adults would enter the yard, but the kids always entered and Lisa never ripped anyone’s ear off. My Grandpa Robinson gave me Frosty when I was 5. He was a Turkish Angora, white and fluffy. He was also mean! I grew up with horrific scratches and bite marks. My sister Julie swore off cats because of him, and didn’t adopt her first until well into adulthood. Frosty used to lie on the sidewalk in front of our house, and on the first day of school the little innocent kindergarteners would pet him. And he would bite them. And then go back to rolling around on the sidewalk, to lure another unsuspecting victim. By the 3rd day of school the kids were walking in wide circles around him.

Why did you choose Herman to Tweet for instead of another pet?

Originally I had Opie in mind. He’s always into something! But then realized I’d written a children’s story about Herman and really, he does have the better purrsonality for Twitter. He’s a momma’s boy, depending and childish. And he photographs beautifully. Very expressionable. It’s all in the eyes!

Do you have other Twitter accounts?

I tweet as a writer @KimberleyKoz I also have @KeptbyCats but lately haven’t done much with that. Herman’s schedule keeps me very busy.

Do you have a blog?

I blog about mostly my cats on Kept by Cats: Writer Interrupted.

Opie as baby

 What is a typical day for you, starting when your pets want breakfast?

Seven days a week I’m up at 6 am. Buddy needs his insulin by 6:30 so he needs to eat before then. Once my feet hit the floor, I’m on the go throughout the day. I set up 8 bowls in the kitchen to feed the indoor cats. Cookie, Herman and Buddy all get special food for their various health issues. Everyone is supposed to get dry kibble all the time. But Cookie takes a pill that makes him voracious, so he will get canned food too. Once I have everyone on the floor (or on top of the refrigerator ie Gidget who is almost 3 but weighs only 4 lbs) I then feed Chauncie and Andy in the fenced yard, and put out food for YumYum, Jesse and Charlie on the other porch. I also toss peanuts or pretzels into the grass to keep raccoons from taking their food. I then quickly make Ray a lunch for work, and make breakfast for us. By the time Ray leaves its about 7:15. I will air the cats out in the yard, and read or Tweet for awhile. Sometimes I walk for 30 minutes. I’m pushing myself to walk every day because of spine issues. Then, I get dressed for the day, and head upstairs to my office to work. I’m on constant call throughout the day from Buddy (I have a baby monitor in my office) and also to check on Cookie who has allergy issues.

Ray gets home around 6 pm. In which case I do all of the above--again. That’s my day for the most part. But it all changes when Life throws in a monkey wrench and I have to do all of the above, plus squeeze in trips to the vet, grocery shopping, or whatever catastrophe I am expected to handle that day…like a falling tree, a mauled hummingbird, a very sick cat or setting up an intermew for Herman’s blog.

Author and her Mews

 Herman and I both appreciate you stopping by to read our Intermew. Please stay awhile and check out the other intermews. There are plenty of interesting Anipals and their hoomans to read about.