June 3, 2013

#BedtimeStory with Chili

Once Upon A Time...

Twitterville decided to hold a Chili Cook-Off. The Mooshie Chronicles posted a Want Ad for Pawfessional Chiletasters to Judge the winning chili recipe.

The first judge to be hired was Diablo aka Cat @Southboundcat  known for having a tongue of fire -- truly a Legend among Chiletasters.

The second judge to be hired was Lillian aka @IcyPinkLemonade whose refreshing palate could taste the different between home-grown and store-bought chilies.

Finding a third judge, however, became a problem because rumors of how spicy the chili entries might be had scared off potential judges. So on the morning of the Cook-Off, a third judge still hadn't been found.


@SqueakyElvis aka The Bad Boys of Twitter rolled into town on their motorcycles, and they were hungry -- but broke. So when they heard they could eat as much chili as they wanted for free, they agreed to judge the Cook-Off.

Each judge was given a pitcher of bacon beer, a box of tissue, and a scorecard for each entry.

The first to submit their chili to the judges was @MarioDaCat, and this is what the judges wrote on their scorecard for MARIO'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI:

Judge Diablo  — A little too heavy on the tomato. A-mew-sing kick.

Judge Lillian — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Refreshingly mild.

Judge Squeaky — Holy smokadocious! What the Friskies is this stuff?

Judge Elvis  —  You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me four bacon beers to put the flames out.
Next,  @EuripidesCat brought his chili to the judges and this is what they wrote on their scorecards for EURIPIDES' AFTERBURNER CHILI:

Judge Diablo — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge Lillian — Exciting BBQ flavor, but needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge Squeaky — Keep this out of the reach of kittens. Not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain.

Judge Elvis — Had to wave off two Anipals who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. @Nikepurrfektcat rushed over two more pitchers of bacon beer when she saw the look on my puss.

The next to bring chili to the judges was Belle with her FAMOUS @FRANKENCAT1 BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

This is what the judges wrote on their scorecards:

Judge Diablo — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge Lillian — A bit salty, though good use of peppers.

Judge Squeaky — Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I've snorted Drano.

Judge Elvis — Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Nike  pounded me on my back so hard, my spine is now in the front part of my chest. Plus, I'm getting poo-faced from all of the beer.

The next contestant was @BarnabasKitten with his BLACK MAGIC CHILI

This is what the judges wrote on their scorecards:

Judge Diablo — Black bean chili is a bit too mild for my professional palate.

Judge Lillian — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good mild side dish for fish.

Judge Squeaky — I felt something scrape across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds?

Judge Elvis —  I think I've been fed nuclear waste.

The next entry belong to @LivvyOldCat with his LIVINGSTON'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

This is what the judges wrote on their scorecards:

Judge Diablo — Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge Lillian — Remarkable use of shredded beef, though could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.

Judge Squeaky — My ears are ringing! Sweat is pouring off my whiskers! I can't focus my eyes! Livvy seemed offended when I suggested that his chili had given me brain damage.

Judge Elvis —  This chili made me fart, and four Anipals behind me needed paramedics. Nike saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. It really ticks me off that Judge Lillian is rolling her eyes and Judge Diabo asked me to stop screaming.

The next contestant was @VincentRocket with his VINNIE'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

This is what the judges wrote on their scorecards:

Judge Diablo — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge Lillian — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.

Judge Squeaky — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I just noticed my brother, Elvis, cwapped on hisself when he farted. He's worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind him -- not even Nike.

Judge Elvis —  Is it possible to get a couple of snow cones to use as toilet paper?


The next entry was from @_Susie273 with her SUSIE’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

This is what the judges wrote on their scorecards:

Judge Diablo — Another mild chili with perhaps too little habanero juice..

Judge Lillian — Ho hum. I wish she had added a dash more Naga king chili pepper.

Judge Squeaky  — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth.

Judge Elvis — My pants are full of lava to match Squeaky's shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing. It’s too painful. Screw it; I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

The last entry of the day was from Herman!!! with his TATTLECAT'S  TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

This is what the judges wrote on their scorecards:

Judge Diablo — The perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge Lillian — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Elvis farted, passed out, fell over on top of Judge Squeaky who pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if either of them are going to make it. Wonder how they’d have reacted to really hot chili?

Judges Squeaky and Elvis — No report.

Thank you for reading another #BedtimeStory. I hope you enjoyed it.  If you would like to receive your #BedtimeStory in your mailbox, please sign up for Email delivery, or GooglePlus, or even Follow Me on either NetworkedBlogs or as a Google follower.

This month I will publish my very own  monthly mewsletter called kick the litter. It will be fun-packed with stuff about my private life, my career as a mews to my author mom, and stories from my past adventures in Kentucky and Pensacola. It also might have stuff about rescuing and raccoons since my mom likes to channel her inner Elly Mae and has a whole bunch of critters camping in our yard.
Also -- mark your calendars for Saturday, June 22nd at 11:00 a.m. EST. I'm marrying my sweetiepie, Belle, @Frankencat1. It's gonna be an EPIC wedding with a Cast of Thousands. The most pawsome wedding photos to date thanks to the wonderpurr @DanaPixie.
Anyway! Sign up for my mewsletter on the right, and for your trouble I will send you the first chapter of my forthcoming book called You Can't Be A Sidekick Without A Superhero, written by my mom, Kimberley Koz.

Also...if you haven't done so already, follow me Herman!!!
@TattleCat and my sisfur @Chef_Gidget on Twitter. And I haz my own Facebook Page as Herman.Tattlecat.

Goodnight, Sweet Dreams, and haz a Happily Ever After evening!


Don't Mess Wif Me!